Well, although this one is basically one of my guilty pleasures within the film industry, I think I'm about fed up with the meaningless action. I mean sure it was completely great the first two times, but now it's just kinda...old (like almost every actor in this movie- yea, I'm aware you saw this joke coming).
If you haven't had time lately to peek out of your shell and have no idea what the Expendables franchise is about, this is basically the most you could really make of the plot: Sylvester and his group of rag-tag, butt-demolishing amigos are out to stop the horrendous war-criminal by the name of Stonebanks (a.k.a. Mel Gibson probably acting like everyday Mel Gibson - yea I saw he shot the black guy of all options. After Stone-Bizzle decides to injure one of Stallone's buddies, the plastic surgery poster-boy decides to track the criminal mastermind with a new group of refreshing young buttholes to replace the old team. Yeah, it's a real heart-wrenching plot line like no other over-the-top action movie has ever offered before.
Before the title sequences even appears, the audience is already thrown into a high action train chase through the view of our group of senior citizen mercenaries as they, while in a helicopter mind you, try to avoid blazing bullets from extremely large guns. Let's just jump right into what I absolutely probably hated the most about the beginning of this movie (including several minutes after the title sequence actually starts): who in Ferdinand's name approved of this cinematographic approach? The awkward camera angles were literally breaking my brain and mushing it into little pieces, subtly. Also, the Expendables movies as a unit will not give up on those overly computerized explosive rounds. WHY? They've been using that same cheap graphic since the first FREAKING movie. I'm just glad that they finally started "hiding" blood from the more violent scenes- not because I'm squeamish, but I'm just not sure I could take another movie full of the freaking animated digital squibs. But that's just a really small point, so let's move on, shall we?
How about we talk about the acting portion of the film, which actually didn't suck to the degree which it could've. This film features an all-star cast of action super-novas such as Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham. Wesley Snipes and a plethora of other names that are well known throughout the acting community. With that being said, I'm relatively proud of the way things went with the acting, as far as me being able to take the "serious" parts seriously. Sure the dialogue was a bit shaky on some bits (and even more offset by music that didn't really match the atmosphere), but it eventually got better. Of course Jason Statham was up to par (basically just being awesome), Dolph Lundgren was just being hot (smart, tall, blonde, and looks good in tight tees), and Antonio Banderas finally gave them the opportunity to cue the smooth yet quick Latin music that's been in their soundtrack dungeon since the first film.
How about we talk about the acting portion of the film, which actually didn't suck to the degree which it could've. This film features an all-star cast of action super-novas such as Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham. Wesley Snipes and a plethora of other names that are well known throughout the acting community. With that being said, I'm relatively proud of the way things went with the acting, as far as me being able to take the "serious" parts seriously. Sure the dialogue was a bit shaky on some bits (and even more offset by music that didn't really match the atmosphere), but it eventually got better. Of course Jason Statham was up to par (basically just being awesome), Dolph Lundgren was just being hot (smart, tall, blonde, and looks good in tight tees), and Antonio Banderas finally gave them the opportunity to cue the smooth yet quick Latin music that's been in their soundtrack dungeon since the first film.
The movie did leave me with a lot of questions...
"What was the point of some of these scenes?"
"Did Wesley's character really rot in such a harsh prison for tax evasion?"
"Kelsey Grammer?"
"How does Mel Gibson's character afford $3 million portraits, but can't afford security that's a little above 'child's play'?'
"They don't know who they work for WHO DO THEY WORK FOR GUYS?"
"Why was Jet Li even making an appearance?"
"What was the point of some of these scenes?"
"Did Wesley's character really rot in such a harsh prison for tax evasion?"
"Kelsey Grammer?"
"How does Mel Gibson's character afford $3 million portraits, but can't afford security that's a little above 'child's play'?'
"They don't know who they work for WHO DO THEY WORK FOR GUYS?"
"Why was Jet Li even making an appearance?"
...but overall, this movie was so action, do the plot holes even matter? It was an explosion packed (34 of 'em, 34 explosions man), body-twisting, bone-breaking adventure full of less-than-catchy one liners and awesome hand-to-hand combat scenes directed/written by a legend himself, Sylvester Stallone. If you're looking for a film saturated in 80s like full-on action and little complexity, this is the perfect feature for you my child.
Now finally for my two favorite lines throughout the whole film:
"They stuck their noses into other people's world, now they're the deletables."
"You should see me when I'm angry... you'd be very impressed, and very dead."
Of course I've already taken full opportunity to use these phrases, but hey, that's just how I roll. Thanks for reading, and I hope to catch your eye again on tomorrow for Horror Movie Saturday. BYEYEYEYEYEYE!
Now finally for my two favorite lines throughout the whole film:
"They stuck their noses into other people's world, now they're the deletables."
"You should see me when I'm angry... you'd be very impressed, and very dead."
Of course I've already taken full opportunity to use these phrases, but hey, that's just how I roll. Thanks for reading, and I hope to catch your eye again on tomorrow for Horror Movie Saturday. BYEYEYEYEYEYE!